Our Cars: Cupra Formentor VZ5

‘That’s the ugliest car I’ve seen in ages,’ says my dad. ‘The wheels are disgusting,’ adds his wife, who’s come out of the house to see what all the commotion is about. ‘It’s all razzmatazz, stupid colouring and unnecessarily uber aggressive,’ my dad continues, only just getting into his stride.

I nod sagely in due respect to the seniors’ hot take, as the Cupra Formentor VZ5 has just been delivered to their house, and I must bow in deference to this matt Bronze-besmirching of their driveway.

I asked for the Cupra to be delivered here to enable an easy switch with my Volvo V60 T8 Polestar Engineered, which the Formentor is forcing into a six-month hibernation. For I am going to be running this VZ5 as a long-term test car, and reporting to the Ti Massiv on what it is, why it matters and its merits as an enthusiast’s choice, or otherwise, should that prove to be the case.