Absent friends

This may be the first time in literary history that a handbrake has been compared to a snowflake, but there you have it. And there it was, unexpectedly lying horizontal between the front seats of a brand new Volkswagen Polo GTI (the same car, no less, that we used to test against the Alpine A290).

Memories of perfecting my doughnut technique in deserted beachside car parks in the early mornings of my teens came rushing back to me. And I greeted them and all the other ghosts of the past that no more predictably floated into my brain in rapid succession with the same glee as might a man stranded on a desert isle for many a year greet his friends and family in the Terminal 5 arrivals hall.

Pointing out the furious mixing of my metaphors so you don’t have to, my handbrake snowflake joined its phantom friends and mine and started rolling until it turned into a snowball of sufficient size and consistency to pick up and dispatch at speed in the direction of the face of all those – legislators and marketing types mainly – who have tried so hard for so long to bugger up so completely what I only now realise I miss so much about cars. So I made a list. In the hope of holding your attention, I’ve kept it to my top 20.