Woman Maths: Mercedes-Benz S600 (W220)

You might be wondering why we wanted it. I did not. I even half-jokingly asked Alex not to sell it to Thomas. Such was the W220’s reputation that it had put even me off. Plus it was famously broken. At this point the car would start, but it would not change gear. I was cross when it showed up… a hair brush might have been thrown from a window. Not my finest moment.

I will admit to you all that Thomas was right. After everything the AutoAlex team did, all it actually needed was the contacts on one of the gearbox plugs cleaned. It was as good as gold after that.

So, of course, after a decade of stagnation, it was only logical to immediately drive it to the Mercedes-Benz Classic Center in Stuttgart. Thomas had been invited by the PR team to work on a car alongside one of the in-house technicians and I suspect they wanted him to bring my SL (I wanted that too), or our moon miles wagon, not the dreaded S-Class.

Introducing Olaf, one of the aforementioned technicians. He does not like W220s. I am not sure many mechanics do, which admittedly tells you a lot. I would like to point out that he is used to working on the 300 SL, the Sauber race cars and the Mercedes-Benz W196R Formula 1 machines. His bar is very high. But at this point the S600 had faultlessly got us there, which is not bad for a car that had not turned a wheel since 2016.

Olaf stoically inspected the car, exclaiming ‘very bad’ and ‘very expensive’ on repeat. Gradually, however, his tone began to warm and he admitted there was a lot to like too. Over the next two days I was very lucky to witness Olaf meticulously service the old S-Class. It was a joy to watch and I’ll admit I felt bad for throwing a hairbrush at it.

You will be pleased to know that it also got us home again (in sheer luxury). Only the seat massagers failed.

The W220 is blighted by three big things. The first was Mercedes itself. It was reported that the brand spent $800 million on the model: it wasn’t badly engineered but over-engineered. In an effort to live up to its predecessor, they simply went too far. It had radar-guided cruise in the 1990s, for goodness’ sake.

The infamous self-levelling suspension could even wake up while the car was parked, occasionally adjusting itself if the body moved in the wind, which did little for the W220’s already fractious relationship with its battery.

The second is its inability to retain value, introducing the car to owners that perhaps couldn’t afford the running costs of a £100k machine. But £3k? Step this way. Replacing parts with cheap aftermarket alternatives that failed quickly hammered more nails into the coffin lid of its reputation.

But the third issue is perspective. Yes, it may be the low point, but it is a low point within one of the most revered dynasties in automotive history. Even at its most flawed, it is still an S-Class.

In 2026 we will be putting this S600 properly to work, and perhaps I will report back. Because here is the thing: you cannot buy a new V12 S-Class anymore unless you commission an armoured GUARD, and that sits firmly in the ‘if you have to ask’ category.

The era of the big, indulgent, slightly absurd V12 limousine is over. This is what remains.

Note: the car has passed its MOT. Alas, the central locking has failed.