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Henry Catchpole | Journalist


29 April 2024

Don’t tell me you wouldn’t like to have a blue shell sometimes. Sitting at the back of a queue of traffic as the leader of the line potters along frustratingly slowly, the ability to harmlessly gyrate them out of the way would be mighty appealing, wouldn’t it? Using a Bullet Bill could also be an effective solution, but it would depend how far back in the queue you are as to whether you’d leapfrog far enough. A cobalt carapace is probably the safer way to go.

Or maybe a banana would be a sweeter thing to keep in your glovebox? As that aggressive gorilla in a hatchback sits inches from your rear bumper through a village on the B660, it would be lovely to pop a potassium-rich fruit out of the window and watch the ape recede in your mirrors.

The flip side to all this, of course, is that it would be pretty irritating to suddenly find a floating squid (Blooper) in front of your windscreen. Such a sight would obviously mean ink was about to be issued all over the glass like you were behind an imminent oily engine failure. Getting attacked by a flower would be less than ideal too. Or some lightning. Particularly if you lose all your money as a result.

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